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Dr. Vikram Sarabhai – Space Pioneer from India

A documentary about the father of India’s Space programme — Dr. Vikram Ambalal Sarabhai

The Best Things I Saw in 2014 (and Three Big Disappointments)

Here is a list of the best movies I saw in 2014. Not necessarily movies released in 2014, but the best movies I saw this year. Also listed are my three biggest disappointments, which are all from 2014.

I’m working on a books list for next week!

10. Pootie Tang (2001)
Pootie Tang is the longest film clip in history. I didn’t understand anything it had to say, but I speak the language of Wanda Sykes dancing.

9. Candyman (1992)
Extremely successful when exploring the real-world horrors of economic disparity between races, and Virginia Madsen might be the best actress ever in a horror flick. Less successful when dealing with weird supernatural shit. Does Candyman just really like white women?

8. Thelma and Louise (1991)
Geena Davis is a special effect no one can replicate. No one has ever been, or will ever be, as gorgeous as Geena Davis is in the opening of this movie. Ever. Her Polaroid selfie with Susan Sarandon is pure bliss.

7. Interior. Leather Bar. (2013)
Scroll through Netflix just looking at the thumbnails and when you get to the one with an exposed erection, that’s Interior. Leather Bar. An exploration of sexuality and porn-as-art by James Franco and my favorite porn director, Travis Mathews, not only asks intelligent questions about sex on film, but blurs the line between drama and documentary.

6. In the House/Dans la Maison (2012)
The homoerotic version of François Ozon’s sapphic Swimming Pool is about writing, the allure of voyeurism within voyeurism, Kristin Scott Thomas, and a swastika made of penises.

5. Lucy/Under the Skin (2014/2013)
Two movies in which Scarlett Johansson is an otherworldly creature of some sort, but they could not be more opposite. Under the Skin is obtuse and cerebral, almost a silent film telling its story with noises instead of words, a work of art in which the behind-the-scenes production process is more interesting than the final product, which I both love to love and love to hate (EAT THE FUCKING CAKE!), with bonus boners. Lucy is the dumbest movie I’ve ever seen, turn off 99% of your brain to enjoy a film about a woman who can use 100% of hers, but it never once tries to convince you it’s not stupid; it’s 80 minutes of pure fun, with bonus Analeigh Tipton.

4. Stranger by the Lake (2013)
The most compelling drama with an onscreen cumshot. Titillating and disturbing precisely because of the titillation, Stranger by the Lake is a scathing critique of gay hookup culture that makes the view complicit in the horror.

3. The Skeleton Twins (2014)
The best depiction of depression I’ve seen since Kirsten Dunst tried to eat food that tasted like ash. The Skeleton Twins is Melancholia with a sense of humor and the best lip syncing ever. It also explores man/boy “love”/molestation in a thoughtful, critical, tasteful way and I’ll never see Ty Burrell the same way again.

2. Spring Breakers (2012)
Spring Breakers is not only my second favorite film I saw this year, but might be in my top ten favorite films ever. An incredibly daring view into teen boredom; the fact that no one ever changes, they just become more extreme versions of themselves; and the uncanny beauty of Britney Spears and dancing with ski masks and assault rifles. James Franco deserved an Oscar.
These scene is one of my favorite scenes in any movie ever.

1. Robocop (1987)
ROBOCOP. How have I lived so long without seeing what is one of the most perfect and prescient science-fiction films of our time. Robocop is more relevant today than it was in 1987, but Leeza Gibbons’s hair is bigger and better than than it is now. Leeza is also in Robocop 2, which has a character name Robocop 2, who, like the movie Robocop 2, is stupid and ineffective. But Robocop 3 has robo ninjas, CCH Pounder, and Angie Harmon with sexy frizzy hair. Still, none of them match the glorious dystopian masterpiece of Robocop.

And the disappointments, two of which have the most misleading trailers I’ve seen in a while, and the other is just dumb:

3. Snowpiercer (2014)
Like Lucy, Snowpiercer is dumb as a sack of rocks. Unlike Lucy, Snowpiercer tries to convince you that it’s not, and as a result it feels like getting pummeled by said sack of rocks for 6 goddamn hours. (Not actually that long, but all the sloooooooow motion ruining the superbly choreographed fight scenes makes it feel that long.) Tilda Swinton and Alison Pill are delightful, however.

2. The Homesman (2014)
The first hour of The Homesman is a thrilling and stark examination of the treatment of women in the American West. The second hour of The Homesman stops being an examination and starts becoming a movie that actually treats women like shit. First hour: A. Second hour: F. Average: C-. My eyes almost rolled out of my head.

1. Birdman (2014)
“How was Birdman?”
Me: “Birdman? More like Turdman!” or “Birdman really laid an egg!”
If you are a gamer, you’ve heard the criticism that Final Fantasy XIII is a “hallway simulator.” Birdman is the cinematic equivalent of a hallway simulator. There’s one scene where the camera just lingers on a hallway for almost a minute. No one is there! Gimmicky to a fault, and filled with characters even flatter and more unlikeable Final Fantasy XIII’s, everyone in the this movie is completely superfluous and the ending is so stupid it defies all logic. The only intelligent decision in this mess of a drama-less drama about drama that is somehow nominated as a comedy: making its final shot a close-up of Emma Stone. Stone and her gorgeous eyes: A+ Everything else: F— Final score (not an average): F.

To end on a happy note:

“Hey, Slim, are you still happy?” “What do you think?”
Love ya always, Ms. Bacall.